The Met Gala 2018 was a deliciously skin-deep affair

Every first Monday in May (of first Tuesday for us European peasants), Anna Wintour blesses us with The Met Gala, a school-night blow out for the beautiful elite. A deliciously skin deep affair, The Met is the tastiest clash of low-brow pop culture and high fashion, and we have some THOUGHTS.

Before we start I'd like to send a prayer of thanks for this year's theme - 'Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination' - a blessing of art historical inspiration and blasphemous options. I happen to live with a Catholic and she hasn't been this excited since the Pope came to town in 2010.

Met Gala Guardian Angels

The Met is overwhelming. The Daily Mail gallery has 194 images in its slideshow and Enthusiastic Catholic Flatmate was messaging me at 8.30am with opinions. As much as we're gonna hold your hand through the noise, there were only two sources I was checking in with this morning: the babes at Tabloid Art History (with whose excellent Tweets we have furnished much of this piece) and the @everyoutfitonsatc crew. 


For TAH girls Elise, Chloe and Maryanne, the pressure was on, and I don't think any of them have slept. Having built a following on their ability to match our faves to their art history doppelgängers, the girls came through today. The Met outfits are a lil meaningless without context, and TAH expertly matched Lana Del Rey's look to 'Our Lady of Seven Sorrows', and Katy Perry's attention grabbing wings to Draper's 'The Lament For Icarus' among many many others. Thanks gals.


On the less cerebral side, @everyoutfitonsatc came in with the sass captions, some gems including 'when you go back to dick and get boring again' fired at bland Miley Cyrus and the spot on dissection of Shailene Woodley's ensemble: 'when Ralph Lauren straight-up hates you'. 

Why are you here?

On the topic of boring dresses, a word needs to be said on the ones who don't. stick. to. the. damn. theme. This is not your prom, a B-movie red carpet or a runway; it's The Met, and theme dodgers are looking increasingly lame. Wanna look like you're too rich for a personality? Dodge the theme. Special mention to Kendall and Kylie choosing a white jumpsuit and plain black gown, in a year centred on opulence and maximalism. Extra credit to Kendall who shoved a security guy out of her way for her paparazzi shot. Go home. 


Theme Queens

Snoozy Jenners aside, my eyes were naturally drawn to the shiny shiny outfits of our heroes in their Catholic best. Personally my vote goes to Zendaya, immediately recognisable as Lynch's 'Jeanne D'Arc' with extra points for skirting the misogyny in most Catholic imagery. Rihanna - who co-chaired the event - arrived as the literal Pope and killed it, closely followed by Cardi B who came through drippin, SJP with a to-scale ALTER on her head, and Ariana Grande draped in the Sistine Chapel. Also Gigi Hadid as a stained-glass window (??). These women did their damn homework, and looked divine. Shoutout to Chadwick Boseman and Darren Criss reppin' for the lads, too. Black tuxes no longer acceptable.


Dishonourable Mentions

Ok so as much as our faves delivered on the theme, The Met also presents a chance for total fuckery. Jaden Smith theme-dodging whilst carrying a framed gold disc of his latest single needs to take a serious time out. Ditto the Yves Saint Laurent 'fallen angels' aka Kate Moss & co in tedious LBDs. As for Elon Musk and Grimes, I'm too shaken to offer any kinda commentary other than that Tesla choker needs to be melted down immediately. 


Final verdict

I said we'd cut through the noise for you, so I'm no particular order, The Tung faves are:

Rihanna - The Pope in John Galliano for Maison Margiela

Cardi B - Divine baby mama in Moschino by Jeremy Scott

Sarah Jessica Parker -  Custom Dolce & Gabbana, natch.

Blake Lively - Anne Boleyn in Versace 

Stella Maxwell - Dripping in Madonnas by Moschino 

Zendaya - Saving France in chainmail Versace  

Ariana Grande - Michaelangelo's 'Last Judgement' in Vera Wang

Lana Del Rey - Best use of props in Gucci 

Chadwick Boseman - Priestly in, you guessed it, Versace 

Darren Criss - Resplendent in a mystery iconographic jacket of maybe his own face.