Dream Nails' 'Merkury' video is precisely the astrology tutorial I needed


I am not a person who believes in astrology. I have as much fun reading horoscopes as the next freelancer browsing the internet in their pants when they should be working, sure, but since you can apply literally any horoscope to your own situation in one way or another, I find it difficult to give them any credence. 

The same has, historically, been the same for the way I feel about Twitter exclamations of ‘back on my bullshit #VirgoSeason’. The implied lack of agency freaks me out — you can’t blame being a bell-end on the stars, surely? I have control over myself, my actions, my emotions. All of my successes and failures can, ultimately, be traced back to me. 

At least that’s what I thought until a couple of weeks ago. I woke up one morning in one of the worst moods I’ve experienced since puberty punched me straight in the face aged 12. Everything SUCKED. Breakfast was boring, the cup of tea I made myself was gross. I fired up The Tung website and guess what? Pointless. I’d just launched the podcast I’d been working towards all year and felt nothing but seething disdain for myself. Every tube I tried to get was delayed and a man nearly ran me over with his bicycle.

Yes sure I was incredibly hungover on the first day of this unholy mess, having taken the absolute piss at a bottomless brunch on a Sunday from 12-7pm and woken up at 10pm the same day on my bed fully-clothed and holding a Chicken Select. But the shame-spiral should’ve lasted only a day! This feeling of abject hopelessness went on for a full two-weeks.

I was rifling through my inbox on one of these many sprawling days of death, and found a little nugget of hope. Janey Starling, the lead vocalist of Dream Nails, had sent me the video for ‘Merkury’ and lo! I finally understood what the f was going on. Mercury was in Retrograde!

The video begins with the precise tutorial I needed. Professor Janey in her white coat teaches her rapt students what the hell Mercury Retrograde is with a helpful car analogy (basically: when it’s in retrograde, Mercury appears to be moving backwards from Earth’s perspective, when actually Earth’s orbit is moving just slightly ahead). Everything gets out of sync, and travel, communication and relationships begin to unravel. 

Or, in Dream Nails terms, Mercury is a sassy little b who will chase you through space until she catches you and ties you up and leaves you for dead before casually peaceing out like 🙂. Why did I nearly get run over? Mercury! Why did I struggle to communicate my feelings to my friends? Mercury! Why did everything seem so terribly, bone-crushingly bad? (I really hope that it's) Mercury! 

Phewph! Luckily for me and you and the rest of planet Earth, Mercury is getting back in her box on August 19th, so keep buckled up until then and watch Dream Nail’s 'Merkury' video to remind yourself that we’re all in this together. 

What do you think of the 'Merkury' video? Let us know in the comments below!